I am weak, I am a sociopath, I have no clue how to socialize whatsoever, I don’t know how to make myself happy and it’s fucking eating me alive. I am stupidly stuck on one asshole who loves someone else and wants nothing to do with me. I myself am an asshole to my own family and would rather be alone 24/7 sulking than have human contact because I just feel so pathetic compared to rest of humanity. I’m not as smart as like to think I am, in fact I’m actually quite stupid. I have no ambition, no motivation, nothing. I keep living day by day not for myself like I should be Doing but for the sake of others because I care to fucking much about how my death would affect others than what I really and truly want which is to stop existing. I don’t look at my life as a blessing, this place is cruel and unforgiving and not worth the hassle. Why should I try? I mean really, I don’t believe in a god so I have no comfort in that. Love has failed me multiple times and friends never last so I have no companionship from people outside my family. Even then, my siblings think im a cold, evil, controlling bitch and i am a disappointment to my parents. I can’t handle people asking me if I’m okay anymore and having hold back tears and force a smile and nod like everything is perfectly lovely, as if I’m not screaming in agony on the inside. That question to me is like a wooden stake to a vampire. And Yes I am complaining and yes I know no one fucking cares and that’s okay, no one is obligated to care but I’m sick and tired of this life and I would be extremely grateful if someone could acidently kill me one day Because I’m too much of a coward to do it myself.
I am a wounded animal
please put me out of my misery